So You Lookie-Loos Wanna Come Here and Snoop

That’s fine, welcome. We really do encourage you to apply to the sex cult (so that you most likely can get rejected).

Maybe you never thought being in a sex cult would be for you. Sure, you’re terrible at sex and awful to be around – but that shouldn’t stop you from applying to hand over all your assets and move into the compound (which will be in the mountains, on the beach, or in the desert, we are so close to figuring this out).

Maybe you don’t want to join this sex cult because of the whole “hand over all your assets” part – honestly, what would you do with assets after you move in and everything is taken care of for you (except pool maintenance, come on, Steve, do your GD job), leave them to your family? They’re awful, you know this.

Maybe you don’t want to apply because of the sex stuff. Honestly, the title of sex cult makes it seem like there’s much more sex than actually occurs. There’s probably as much sex as any unhappy heterosexual couple has; two orgies a week and individual sex (two to four participants) a couple of times a day.

See? Applying to join a sex cult isn’t spooky scary, it’s spooky sexy – like Halloween or Dusty Springfield.