So You’ve Been Rejected from the Sex Cult

Think back to the time before ever applying to be in this sex cult – that’s all gone now, you can’t go back.

You are forever a sex cult rejected applicant.

There are self soothing behaviors you might be tempted to participate in:

Ones we encourage:

  • Purchasing a vintage fake fur coat, go ahead, baby, you look good in it

  • getting married, it’s really the most boring sex cult of all

  • going vegan, you’re going to feel great

  • getting fit as fuck, go out there and end bar fights instead of just starting them

Ones we advise against:

  • falling prey to a charismatic leader, right now you’re pretty vulnerable

  • getting married, it’s really the most boring sex cult of all

  • becoming a scientologittery-do, don’t listen to that 1000 year old alien inside you

When youths lose their first love, parents always make the mistake of saying “you’re going to feel this way a bunch of times before you die, that chump doesn’t matter”

In that same vein, this is not the first time you will be rejected from a sex cult.